Secrets and then Some
by DarthRhi
Summary: Gojyo notices changes in Hakkai, he wears sweater in hot weathher, he doesnt smile as much and he spaces out. Hakkai is keeping a secret from Gojyo,Hakkai's probelms get worse when Goku and Sanzo are over for dinner.GojyoxHakkai Very light yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is which I do not own.

Warning: Suicidal things are involved in this story. So if you do not like that then I suggest you don't read this story.

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Gojyo sat there on the couch; he was just relaxing smoking his cigarette. Hakkai walks into the room, he wore a long sleeved shirt. The kappa only notices his shirt because the youkai just started to wear them. The weather outside was hot up around 90 degrees, yet Hakkai wore his sweater. The green-eyed youkai sits in a chair next to the couch and stares at the ceiling. The kappa found this strange usual his friend would be reading a book.

The kappa sets his cigarette in an ashtray then puts his hands behind his head and looks at Hakkai, "Hey Hakkai, why are you staring at the ceiling."

Hakkai looks at the kappa and gives him a small smile, "I'm just tired..."

"Maybe your tired because of the heat, and for the fact your wearing a sweater in this weather." the kappa said picking up his cigarette and smokes it.

The friendly youkai stands up and pulls down his sweater past his wrist, "I'm sorry, but I just want to wear a sweater. And I have to go get some food, so Ill be back." He walks out of the house.

Gojyo found this strange he wonders if Hakkai was up to something. Just all the sudden the kappa's friend started acting weird, not smiling as much wearing sweaters. Maybe Hakkai was depressed or something. Nah can't be, he lives with the kappa and he hasn't done anything to hurt the youkai.

--

Hakkai walks through the streets on his way to the store, he got odd looks from people. Was it because the youkai looked upset, or was it because he held his sweater sleeves so they would go past his wrists? Either way the youkai just had to mind his business and ignore the people around him. He goes into the store and down to the fruits; he stands there looking at some apples. Time seem to slow down as he stares at the apples, he thought of his past. He looks at his hands they were covered in blood; he looks up to see his sister lying there dead. Hakkai holds his stomach feeling his scar burning; he closes his eyes in pain.

"Hakkai?" a voice asks.

"Hey Hakkai, are you ok?" another voice asks.

Hakkai opens his eyes seeing he was at the store, he looks at Goku and Sanzo standing there giving him a worried look. "Oh, Sanzo and Goku."

Sanzo raises an eyebrow, "Are you alight? You spaced out then held your stomach as If you were in some sort of pain."

The youkai gives the two a small smile, "Sorry about that, its nothing."

Goku was looking past the youkai at the apples, "Hey Sanzo! I want apples! And I w-" The monk hit the monkey over the head, "I'll get whatever fits my needs monkey."

The monkey gets puppy eyed at the monk, "Please Sanzo?"

The monk sighs, "Fine! By the way Hakkai, are we still going to have dinner at your place?"

"Dinner?" Hakkai looks at the monk confused.

"Yea dinner, remember you invited us. I was just making sure it was today, other wise Ill need to find a way to feed the monkey. He won't eat anymore vegetables that the others give him" The monk looks at the youkai with an odd look.

"Oh yea, I remember and it is today." The friendly youkai looked upset again.

"Yay! Hakkai's cooking!" Goku says practically dancing.

Hakkai didn't try to smile, "Yea that's why I'm here...to get dinner." The youkai nods to them and finishes shopping.

--

Gojyo was still on the couch smoking; he looks at the door as Hakkai walks in with a bag of food. The youkai walks to the kitchen; the kappa sneaks behind him and follows. The youkai set the bag of food on the counter and sighs, "What's wrong Hakkai?"

Hakkai jumped a little being scared, "Gojyo you scared me... and nothing is wrong."

Gojyo sighs, "Very well, why you get this type of stuff?" He looks through the bag of food, "Sanzo and Goku are coming for dinner." The youkai say as he puts the food away.

The kappa blinks, "They're coming over? Great... well Hakkai I'm going to take a nap. I need rest before I tease the monkey." Hakkai nods and the kappa walks to his room.

The youkai finishes putting away the food, and walks into his room. Closing the door behind him he takes off his shirt. He looks at the scar on his stomach and sighs remember how he got it. He looks at his wrists both had bandages wrapped around them, and takes off the bandage revealing cuts across his wrists. They start to sting in pain and the youkai falls to his knees in pain. He tires to be quiet so Gojyo doesn't come in and see what he has done. He gets back up and walks to his bed, he moves his pillow revealing a pocketknife lying there. He picks it up and looks at the dried blood that was on it, he sighs as he sits down on his bed. He puts the blade against his wrist; he flinches in pain as he starts to cut lightly.

--

More to come!

DarthRhi


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki

Warning: Suicidal things are involved in this story. So if you do not like that then I suggest you don't read this story.

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The stages of cutting yourself were easy, break through the skin, and keep cutting into the skin until you hit the vein. Once you cut open the vein, you start to lose blood then came death. Hakkai was at the third stage of cutting; the blood ran down his arm. Drops of blood hit the floor, "Shit, blood stains..."

He looks at the door making sure Gojyo wasn't coming, he flinches in pain. "I just want to end it all...Kanan I shall join you soon." He looks up at his door hearing someone coming, "Shit..." He puts on his sweater, sits on the bloodstain and puts the wrist he cut behind his back.

There was a knock at the door, "Hey Hakkai, Goku and Sanzo are here. So wake up or whatever..."

Hakkai hears footsteps going away from his door, he stands up and sighs. He changes his sweater and wraps his wrist up with bandages, he walks out to the living room. He finds Goku and Gojyo yelling at each other, with Sanzo in a chair annoyed. The youkai walks into the room, "I'll start dinner..."

"Yay!" The monkey says with excitement in his voice.

"Good...I'm tired of the monkey and the kappa arguing." The monk says as he lights a cigarette.

Hakkai nods and goes into the kitchen, "They expect me to do everything...I'm sick of it." He gets the food out and puts it on the counter; he gets a knife and starts to cut some lettuce up. He wondered why cutting your wrist isn't as easy as cutting a head of lettuce. He spaced out watching the knife cut through the lettuce, he suddenly stop and looks at the knife. "I could end it now..." he puts the blade against his wrist not caring that he could cut through the bandage and sweater. He starts to cut, through the sweater and bandage until the blade touched where he already cut. He flinched in pain as he continues to cut his wrist the blood dripping on the counter. Hakkai didn't care he wanted to end it; he wanted to be with his sister, his lover. The lost of blood was making him dizzy; he wanted to end it so he switches hands and cut the other wrist. He heard someone coming, so he dashes to the bathroom locking the door. He ran past Gojyo, "Hakkai?"

The kappa looks at the counter seeing blood on it and the knife too. "Hakkai!" He runs to the bathroom and pounds on it, "Hakkai are you alight!"

"Y-yes I'm fine I just cut my hand on accident while cutting dinner." Hakkai was wrapping his wrists up and found another sweater hanging up on the door. He changes his sweater luckily it was the same color as the one he ripped. He could hear Gojyo talking to Sanzo but couldn't understand because he was dizzy. Hakkai sighs, he'll never get away with cutting himself if the kappa or anyone else is around. The youkai's stomach couldn't take it; he got on his knees and throws up in the toilet.

"Hakkai? Are you throwing up?" The kappa's voice sounded muffled to the youkai.

"I...don't feel g-" The youkai throws up more.

"Shit man!" the kappa pounded more on the door.

Hakkai threw up more and finally passed out, next thing he knew he was awake in his bed.

--

More coming! Poor Hakkai...

DarthRhi


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki

Warning: Im sure you read the warning by now, but Suicidal things are involved.

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Hakkai was sitting in bed, he remembered throwing up and then it blacked out. He looks around his room, and then he remembered he cut himself, he looks at his wrists to see no one had touched them. Meaning the kappa, monk or even the monkey didn't find out.

"So your awake..." it was the kappa, he walks to the bed and sits down. "You want to tell me how you got sick like that or why there was blood on the counter." He looks at the upset youkai, "Or tell me how you get those bloodstains on your floor? Because blood doesn't drip from the ceiling or anything."

Hakkai looks at the kappa, "Its nothing...I accidentally cut my self on the hand. And it must have gotten on the floor."

"Lies Hakkai. I've noticed you've change." The kappa looked serious.

"What changes? I haven't changed..." The youkai frowns knowing Gojyo was going to find out soon enough.

"Wearing winter clothes in summer, hardly smile anymore, space out a lot, and your quiet." As the kappa lists everything off the youkai's wrist begin to sting.

"Its nothing, I haven't felt good lately, that probably why I threw up." Hakkai tried to hide the truth but knew it wouldn't work.

"Yea right I saw your sweater, stained blood and torn. Now how that happen? Its along the wrists Hakkai." The kappa wanted to break Hakkai and make him tell him.

"Its...nothing..." Hakkai was getting annoyed now.

"Oh really? Hakkai you're lying, what has been going on?" The kappa wanted answers now and was going to get them.

"Leave me alone!" The youkai's voice sounded upset.

Gojyo grabs one of the youkai's wrist and watches as his friend flinches in pain, "S-stop Gojyo! It.it hurts!"

The kappa had an idea of what had been going on, he pulls up both of Hakkai's sleeves and reveals his bandaged wrists. He rips of bandages off and saw cuts along his wrist they started to bleed again. "Hakkai why?" The kappa's voice was also upset.

"I can't take it anymore! I want to be with Kanan!" Hakkai sighs knowing he would be yelled at now.

"Why Hakkai! Do you really think Kanan would want you to do this?" The kappa seemed very depressed now.

"No! But I'm tired of it all... no one respects me! I'm like the mother around here! Why can't someone else cook for once!"? The youkai looks at his bleeding wrists.

"Hakkai I respect you..." Gojyo gets one the bed completely and crawls up to Hakkai, he grabs one of the youkai's wrists. The youkai flinches in pain, as the kappa licks his arm and wrist. "S-stop Gojyo! Don't do that!" Hakkai tries to push him away but it hurt too much.

Gojyo stops and looks his friend, "Hakkai...will you stop cutting yourself?"

"Leave me alone...I want to end it." The youkai felt uneasy.

"I wont let you die...I'm sure your sister wouldn't want you to die like this." Gojyo crawls face to face with him.

"Gojyo...I c-" but Hakkai was interrupted by the kappa's lips against his. The youkai tries to break the kiss but the kappa wouldn't let him, and the youkai was still in pain so couldn't do much. The kappa slides his hand under Hakkai's sweater; the youkai flinches because the scar on his stomach was burning. The kappa breaks the kiss sits in front of his friend, "Sorry Hakkai couldn't control myself."

"Gojyo...I can't end it." Hakkai looks at the kappa with a concerned look.

"What? Why? You just said you wanted to e-"

"That kiss...it showed me something new. Maybe I need to stay alive for Kanan." The youkai had hope now.

Gojyo smirks, "Oh? You like the kiss?"

Hakkai smiles, "Yes I did to be honest."

The kappa smiles back at him, "There's that smile I missed."

Hakkai got new bandages and wraps his wrists; Gojyo watches and when his friend was finished pulled him to his lap.

"Never cut yourself again," the kappa says as he takes off Hakkai's shirt and rubs his arm.

"I wont...I promise." The youkai looks at his friend and smiles.

Their lips met again, Gojyo let his hands explore Hakkai's soft body.

And turned out to be a night Hakkai couldn't forget, he stopped cutting after that, and all he wanted was to live for Kanan. And belong to Gojyo.

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Yea only three chapters! Sorry...If you no like its ok! And...Please excuse any mistakes! Thanks for reading!

DarthRhi


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